Marriage is a growing cause of social and economic frustration in Egypt. A marriage can easily cost several times the annual salary of the average groom; plus also be a \ large financial burden for the bride and her family.
Here is the Bit: The Thorny Path of Love and Marriage in Egypt
November 2020. A few friends asked about dating and marriage in Egypt; and specifically, if I have been dating anybody. I have gone on a two or three regular, “normal” type dates that we would all recognize as initial dates. In contrast, I also had chaperoned meetings with two different women, obviously on separate occasions, to see about initiating a traditional Muslim relationship. IF I wanted to get involve with a Muslim woman, there is very limited dating American style, unless I find a progressive Muslim. The number of women in the progressive dating pool is slim pickins’.
Generally, if you are a Muslim in Egypt, you have two marriage choices. Either families arrange the marriage OR you can find a potential partner from your general social circle, but that partner must be vetted and acceptable to the family. Once you and your family focus on a potential spouse, you do not meet that potential mate alone socially. First, you meet with your future spouse with chaperones/family members present. These initial meetings are for the purpose of making that initial decision to get engaged. You and your beloved (and the family members present) review finances, motives, work, children, prospects, etc. to see if this marriage will be a go. If all are happy with the joint plans, an engagement is announced. At the end of this successful meeting, the man pulls out a piece of gold jewelry, or some other valuable bauble, and presents it to his new fiancée to seal the deal. If no deal is reached, you and your beloved just walk away. Assuming everyone involved gets to a “yes”, you will meet up with your future spouse, but just a limited number times before the wedding. There is some flexibility in the amount of time you can spend together before marriage, but no flexibility about the social meeting rules as explained below.
The first meetings are really general negotiations of marriage conditions. Then after the engagement, you and your future spouse meet to plan the marriage in earnest. There is a lot to review besides the plans for the elaborate wedding and it’s aftermath; and how to raise your kids as good Muslims, or Christian if you are Coptic Christian. Before the marriage takes place, the future husband has to arrange to pay out all sorts of money; for example, he buys specific types and amounts of gold jewelry for his beloved, and gives dowry cash to her parents. The dowry includes paying some cash up front, on the barrel-head; and signing a dowry contract. This dowry contract states that if the husband divorces his wife, the husband has to, AS PART OF THE DIVORCE, the husband has pay the rest of the dowry. Thus, if there is no divorce; no additional dowry payment. The cash part of the dowry is put in a silver box that the groom presents to his future in-laws.
In addition, the husband (and his family) buys all sorts of stuff to bring to the marriage, including purchasing an apartment or house, and furnishing it with upscale appliances and electronics. The groom pays for the wedding itself and the elaborate honeymoon, plus the bride’s wedding dress, hair styling and make-up.
The groom showers the bride and her family with very expensive chocolates every time he meets them. That’s not enough: the groom’s mother also gives her future daughter-in-law a piece of expensive jewelry, preferably with diamonds.
As mentioned, the man also buys the woman a certain amount of gold jewelry. The gold jewelry is called the “shabka” from the Arab verb “to tie” and consists of, all in gold — a ring, a bracelet or two bangles at a minimum. The shabka could include matching ear rings, plus a necklace. [I have read that the shabka ring design often includes an attached gold net (?)].
Presenting the Shabka:
Note: The shabka above may not look like it contains a lot of gold, but I am sure this goes for a pretty penny as the Egyptian use 18 or 20 carat, solid gold
In return, the wife and her family contribute specific things like outfitting the kitchen with new kitchen utensils and tablewear; all the posh household furniture; and the elegant engagement party. For some reason, the bride buys the groom two pairs of pajamas. However, on balance, the husband and his family have the far greater expenses.
Joint Venture — He Buys The Home. She Buys the Furniture
This home has standard up-scale Egyptian design except that the chairs and tables a commonly have gold painted wooden frame in the style of French Louis XIX. Plus, commonly the apartment is dripping with gold filigree and accents For example, these chairs are much more tasteful than the common fake gold paint on the wooden part of the chairs)
Note: In modern times, a lot of these ritual expenses have gone by the wayside and the two families simply divide the wedding expenses.
As mentioned, some couple spend more time together socially; and some couples really only meet up as needed to make all the plans: the wedding, buying the house, moving in, living together, children, work, etc. In any case, the man and woman are never alone together before their marriage. The woman will always have a chaperone. If for example, the couple go to a restaurant, a male relative of the woman will go with them. Now, the chaperone may sit tables away from the happy couple; or the chaperone may even be outside the restaurant and watch the couple through the window. However, the chaperone will be there to keep his eye on them. His job is to ensure the excited couple do not sneak off for some private time. Only after the wedding, do the man and woman spend time together without others present.
Thus, Egyptian marriage is more of a business and social arrangement between families. Love, and even the couple falling in love, is what can happen after the wedding. The amount of money needed and the social constraints makes dating and marriage very stressful in Egypt. Marriage requirements can be a BIG problem, for couples of average means [read: difficult in the extreme for men not from monied families or with a high income]. As a consequence of all of these pressures and more, unlike the good old days, divorce is now common in Egypt. Here are some happy local couples or families:
A Middle Class Bride Dancing With Her Relatives Only – Outside Her Home On The Day Before The Wedding:
Upper Class Couple – Official Wedding Picture:
Egyptian Bedouin Couple w/ Temporary Henna Tattoo on the Bride’s Hand:
The cost for an Egyptian couple to get married can be several times the average annual salary here. I am not sure that any part of this claim is fully accurate, but to give you an idea, this is what I read:
An Egyptian marriage can cost $10,000 USD and the average annual salary in Egypt is $3,700 USD.
For sure, marriages cost a lot in Egyptian pounds. (16 pounds = $1.)
As for me, no potential dating partner has become a serious contender. Dating in Egypt — oy vey!
Still playing in the sand,
Zephyr
Bonus Photo – Brides here wear in a variety of veils from non-existent to the light and dainty to full on Muslim total cover, called the niqab or burqa
No, I do not know why this photo shows a parade of brides in different dresses.